Hawaii: The Land of Many Vowels and Few Consonants

Hi All,

I apologize that this was not written contemporaneously with our Hawaiian holiday, but I spent quite a bit of our time in Hawaii relaxing (or as they say in Hawaiian, sleeping).  We’ve have now been back home for several weeks, and I’m very well rested, and so here’s the blog.

While a trip to Hawaii isn’t like going on a foreign adventure to a strange land, it did have a major appeal beyond beautiful beaches and great weather: Hawaii is farther away from Washington, D.C. than anywhere else in the United States. Too bad there was still TV, newspapers, and internet.

Also, Hawaii is Jill’s favorite place on earth.

Mine, of course, is being with Jill

So much for the, what I’m sure will be the necessary, sychophantic portion of this missive.

In any case, this was our first trip to Hawaii together.  When we landed, I was overcome with a mixture of wonder and gratitude. I wondered why we went to Hawaii rather than skiing, but I was grateful that the pilot was even able to find this place. The big island of Hawaii is 4028 square miles in the middle of the Pacific Ocean which is 62,460,000 square miles.  The odds of stumbling on such a small island while flying at 36,000 feet is pretty incredible.

It’s much easier to find Europe or Africa or Australia (or a needle in a haystack)

We arrived on the big island and stayed a few days in a beautiful villa on a golf course courtesy of our friends Kathy and David (pictured below).

Kathy (left)

 

You may be wondering what does one do in a tropical paradise if you don’t golf (I include myself in this group) to while away the hours.  Here is a short pictorial essay of some possibilities:

Play tennis (with the ocean almost next to the doubles line)

Meet new (or is it newt) friends

Grow together

See a lava field and a rainbow at the same time

Cycle in a tropical paradise

Take pictures of a cat at sunset

Hike to beautiful waterfalls

Sail on a wooden catamaran

Sail on said catamaran into the ocean to search for whales or at least body parts of whales (we never saw a whale head).  I might add that it is quite challenging is to try to take pictures of whales , hold on to the boat, and not drop your camera into the ocean.

We were forced to push the boat out of the water-I felt like a galley slave

 

One thing that is pretty unique about Hawaii especially when compared to New York or Los Angeles is the copious amounts of lava.  It’s practically everywhere on the island.

Lava, lava everywhere…

When I mentioned this fact to the concierge at the hotel, I was told  (in a somewhat condescending tone) that the Hawaiian Islands ARE the gigantic tops of volcanic mountains formed by countless eruptions of fluid lava.   I mean “DUH.”

Speaking of lava, it turns out that the island is getting bigger all the time as there is an active volcano, Kilauea, which has been erupting since 1983, pouring lava into the ocean and making Hawaii larger.  Pretty soon it will be the size of Australia.

We saw several advertisements for beach front time-shares on the these newly formed  lava deltas.

 

We even attended a “time share” sales presentation where they made molten lava sound like a real plus.

Our lot.  They said that we wouldn’t have to heat the pool because the ground will be really hot for a long time.

And who wouldn’t want to live near a river of lava?  Great fishing (and anything you catch is already cooked) according to the Time Share salespeople

But alas, we finally decided against it when we found out that they could only start construction after the lava cooled off enough to break ground….in maybe 25 years.

As we walked closer to the smoldering lava, we saw that even in Hawaii the Trump name loomed large.

A Trump trompe l’oeil

 

Disappointed, we decided to go on a hike to see the famous  petroglyphs of Hawaii.  No one really knows why they are there, who made them, or what their significance is.  It sounded intriguing.

The trail to the petroglyphs was not a simple stroll in the lava. It was confusing and very difficult to follow.  Initially, it reminded me of the woods in which Hansel and Gretel found the gingerbread house…

or was that Goldilocks?

There were always choices to make.

Fortunately, my experience as a Boy Scout in my youth and my uncanny sense of direction kicked in… I knew with absolute certainty the correct path to the Petroglyphs

and excitedly pointed it out.*

*Please note the sign behind Richard indicating the “Petroglyph Trail”  js

As we continued our trek to the elusive petroglyphs, I came across some very mysterious markings, perhaps some kind of message of petrified wood left by ancient man hundreds of years ago.  A numerical code of some sort (possibly even before the invention of numbers). As a scientist I was fascinated by the potential significance and spent quite some time attempting to decipher the meaning from so long ago.

But all I could discern were the numbers “7” “7” “1” and perhaps a “backward 7”.  Maybe the “7” and “backward 7” represented people running away from some serpent like monster or giant snake, represented by the “1.”

Another possibility…we had discovered an ancient cell phone number

 

Jill had a much different perspective on the markings and on their meaning and suggested that I look at the symbols from a different viewpoint.

I did

and I learned that this is the last time that I ever will let Jill out of my sight while I hang back taking pictures-she has a mischievous streak.

 

Eventually, we happened upon a field of petroglyphs, a veritable petroglyph encyclopedia. The holy grail of petroglyphs.  The petroglyph Library of Congress.

The guide books commented on the site stating that it contained over 3000 petroglyphs, but Jill and I counted only 2804.  We were a bit disappointed.

After careful examination, the heretofore unknown meaning of the petroglyphs became clear. The petroglyphs were obviously prognostic symbols of what was to be in the year 2017.

A television

“The Donald”

Note the small hands and absence of visible genitalia

Melania

attractive, exotic and shaped like a Trump pet

 

But I wasn’t completely convinced until I saw the Rosetta Stone of petroglyphs:

If this didn’t portend “The Donald”…look at the length of his tie

 

and the absolute proof…

was the petroglyph next to “The Donald”    Clearly his chief strategist

 

And just down the way, the certain outcome of his administration:

CHAOS!!

There can be no doubt…. after all, it’s carved in stone.

 

After exploring the Petroglyphs, we decided to Uber back to the hotel where we had one of our many dinners on the balcony of our room overlooking the ocean at sunset.

We took turns toasting:

Jill toasting

Me toasting

And we relaxed and ate a traditional Hawaiian dinner

Pizza Poi

as the bright golden-yellow orb sank beneath the horizon.

 

That’s Jill in the upper right picture

 

 

As I was saying, as the sun slowly set in the west…

and day faded into night

Our Hawaiian adventure ended , and we bid you all, Aloha.

Mahalo,

Jill and Richard

Jill will unlikely read this far as she has already told me that this is too long, and she occasionally finds these blogs a bit dull despite my, mostly successful, attempts at humor.*

*This is not true…js